BOOK TITLE: NAKED BUT NOT ASHAMED (THE SECRET OF ENJOYING SEX IN MARRIAGE)
BOOK REVIEWER: DR. OVIE EDOMI(PhD)
Introduction
For 3 years, a book on sex among married people was under intensive research. The book which comes in 202 pages is intended as a one stop shop in marriage.
While sex is no doubt, one of the greatest problems facing mankind from the history of man, sex is also one thing that both married people and most singles alike cannot do without.
The biggest question, I want to ask in reviewing this book is – is this book written for only married people to learn about sex? Much as the answer is provided by the author in this book, I wish to also say that from chapter one of this book : Sex carnally or Godly, page 12 to the next chapter (chapter two): sexual preparations (page 50), the author identifies what makes sex Godly. Yet the author says both old and married people including the church hardly talk about sex.
In page 19 of the book, the author noted that every man at creation lost something to his woman counterpart; this is why man goes about seeking that which he has lost. Furthermore, the author argued in the same page 20 that it is the reason why it looks to some women as if sex is the only thing they exist for- every woman is a custodian of what her husband is desperately looking for. No wonder the author in page 20 of the book admonished thus “sexual relationship between husband and wife becomes carnal when it is used to punish the other person.This explains why the author in page 24 said, “the wife does not have authority over her own body but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body but the wife does”.
The author also urges in page 33: “wives submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, as also Christ is the head of the church, and he is the saviour of the body” Ephesians 5:22-24.
Similarly, the author in page 52, displayed his mastery of sexual preparations when he described sex as a life wire that connects husband and wife to their maritial bliss. But he did not hide the fact that some men avoid their wires because of dirtiness. He also wrote about things that stir sexual urge like romantic words between husband and wife, neatness/attractiveness, singing praise of your spouse and he referred to how King Solomon praised the Shulamite woman. He said: “How beautiful are your feet in scondals, O Prince’s daughter. The curves of your things are like jewels, the work of the hands of a skillful woman. You navel is a rounded goblet, it lacks no blended beverage. Your waist is a heap of wheat set about with lilies. Your two brests are like two fawna, twins of a gazelle. Your neck is like an ivory tower. Your eyes is like the pools in Heshbon, by the gate of Bath Rabbin. Your nose is like the tower of Lebanon which looks towards Damascus.Your head crowns you like mount carmel, and the hair of your head is like purple. A king is held captive by your dresses. Indeed, the peotic use of words and reference to the Bible makes the author captures the rapt attention of the reader of the book not just from chapter one, it continues till the end of the book.
The author’s use of words are captivating and chilling. Even in chapter three and four where the author wrote about sexual related problems and medical related problems, he was also quick to say that whosever findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour from God – Proverb 18:22 and equally quick to say sometimes, the woman may not be physically strong to carry or bear the weight of the man. And he was quick to suggest the posture that may suit the physical strength of the weaker sex. Interestingly, the same chapter treated psychological problems, financial demands, cardio regular diseases, fertility problem, stress, infection, hormone derangement and so on that you wonder if the author is also into medical practice aside from being a minister of the Gospel and an author.
Chapter five of the book shows that the author did sufficient research work before embarking on writing the book. How many of us have taken time to consider these
i. Anybody can initiate sex among couple
(ii) scarcity of sex leads to temptation
(iii) sex is not for procreation alone
(iv) sex enhances unity among couples
All of these are treated not to stir up a hurricane among partners/ couples but to show that many people are still novice when it comes to sexual relationships especially in Christian homes.
For those who complain that their spouse knows only the missionary style, the author used chapter six of the book to talk/write about sexual postures and their importance. He equally described sex as food and the author supports his assertion with scriptures from the Bible. Quoting songs of Solomon 4:16, he wrote:
“Awake, O North wind and come of south! Blow upon my garden, that its spices may blow out. Let the beloved come to his garden and eat its pleasant fruits (page 128)
Chapter seven talks about what a woman should do under dutiful sex as well as what a man should do.
Chapter eight is on the dangers of being too busy and at the same time close to an opposite sex who is not your spouse, or talking about flaws of your spouse. He went further to talk about lust, jealousy, divorce and so on.
Chapter Nine of the book title: “The trials married people face”. The author talked about how some gifts are Greek gifts and warned married people to be watchful, quoting 1 Corthians 10:13 (page 160). The author in chapter Nine also discussed communication issue, cultural and religious beliefs, financial challenges wrong decisions, comparison, age factor and so on.
Chapter ten, the last chapter of the book takes the reader to the benefits of sex in marriage.
All chapters of the book provide the readers with veritable materials on relationships, marriage and so on. The book covers many areas that Christians, and core traditional people shy away from.Also many things that Pastors shy away from on the pulpits are freely discussed in the book.To say that this book by pastor Samuel Oluwatobi provides insights into many relationships issues is an under statement. And he did it in such a manner that is so practical.
When you read the book, you will discover that the author has helped to add something to the lives of believers who know Christ but struggling with their marriages or relationships.
Unfortunately, Christians and other faithfuls who do not think that sex should be discussed in public as it was in the 14th century would simply want to accommodate the views of the author as a gesture of tolerance but reading through the book no doubt, the author holds that “many atrocities and immoral acts in marriages today are as a result of the nonchalant and careless way people handle the issue of sex.
Finally, pastor Samuel Olutwatobi, has shown that men of God as we call them have blood flowing in them. He seemed to have seen it all and from his experience he has written this monumental book, that is so educative, entertaining, informative and sweet like banga soup.
This book is a must read for both married persons and people that are into courtship.. It is equally a good book for marriage counsellors, researchers and scholars. Any money and time invested in this book are certainly worth it. God bless the author and God bless Nigeria.